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[icon] If you want to know why your cock itches....
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Current Music:King of Kings | Models
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Subject:but...why?!
Time:09:52 am
Current Mood:confusedconfused
Dear Ruby:

Why do bats hang upside down and rats don't? I mean, they rhyme so shouldn't they do the same thing?

Perplexed,

Saucey
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Time:02:54 pm
To my homeskillet zipzilla:

Doo Doo Brown is an excellent name for a rapper because not only does it elicit a chortle, it simultaneously educates the population that poop is, in fact, brown. A healthy poop, that is. It gives cause for people to turn around and throw a cautious and observatory glance into the toilet bowl before flushing. Doo Doo Brown also provides an appropos soundtrack when we're collecting a stool sample for our rectal examination.

It is unfortunate that you didn't claim the moniker first, my friend. But there's a world of other possibilities out there! MC Marble Shits, Colonel Crapsalot. Here's a handy reference to help propel you into rap stardom: Poop Thesaurus.

As for Gargamel, his favorite sexual position (really, it's more of a preference) is one that requires only himself and a copy of Playboy (PlaySmurf, whatever). It's called Centerfold Rape and it's where he cuts out a hole in the centerfold picture so he can, you know, engage in the act of sexual intercourse with the centerfold model.

He learns it all by receiving newsletters from Dirty Proverbs.

Now that I've given you more poop and dirty sex info than anyone should experience in one day, I'm going to sign off because I have to call my grandma and talk about glitter and sparkles and bubbles and be thankful that she doesn't know I'm consulting poop thesauruses and reading up on slang terms for disgusting acts of sex.

Your craptastical friend,
RUBY
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Time:10:37 pm
Can anyone ever top the rap star name Doo Doo Brown? How come I didn't come up with it first? Is it just me, or is it still funny?

Plus, what is Gargamel's favorite positon? This is important, as I want it to be good for him too.
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Time:07:55 pm
Dear steaksammich:

First and foremost, please allow me to extend the most sincere apologies for my lack of efficiency regarding your burning question. I was swamped with research needed for my friend Janna's pelvic_exam journal.

Which brings me to your question: Google is an enigma that not even I can explain. When I search for pelvic exam images, all I get is porn! How perplexing! My only explanation is that Google is run by members of the Bush family and every time someone attempts to search for an image, thousands of monkeys Bush's begin plugging away, scouring their photo albums for the perfect image to present. Which would explain why they gave you cowboy boots and George Bush.

I googled naked bacon, and as suspected, was hit with a barrage of gratuitous shirtless pictures of Kevin Bacon. Oh, the dreams I'll be having tonight!

Good luck with your googling,

Ruby
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Time:04:11 pm
How does google sort their images? Cause I was looking for icons, as documented in a post I made today, and many times couldn't see a connection between what I was looking for and what they gave me. Pottery is not naked bacon. Cowboy boots have nothing to do with damn icon. And George Bush is not steak sammich! I don't get it.
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Subject:on Canada xposted
Time:11:32 am
Have you been there? for an extended period of time? Better yet, do you live there? Specifically, the province of Ontario... if you live there... did you ever live here?

What do you think of it? Is it better there? Is it as cold as I'm afriad it is? What's the general climate? How difficult is it to travel between Windsor and Detroit? Do people know their neighbors? What's the government like? How are people about religion? Who are your leaders and how are they chosen? Anything else you think I should know?

PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
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Time:10:18 pm
Isn't this luxurious?



Feel free to use it to promote. By that I mean, get off your dirty asses and use this to promote.

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Time:11:58 am
Stuffed plaidkimono:

I am a vegetarian and while the question you posited made me quite nauseous, I am willing to put aside all feelings of hatred and disdain that I am feeling for you and answer your question in an unbiased manner.

Puke or fast, fast or puke. I choose neither. What you really should do is go the old-fashioned route and procure yourself a sex change.

That's right, become a man. Then you can eat and eat and binge and gorge without a care in the world, because how many men do you know who actually care about what they put into their body, unless they're gay, gay but don't know it yet, or were raised by a coven of waifish of models?

Men have what women don't - an extra, hanging appendage that gives them guidance and assurance. If I had a weener, gone would be the days of second guessing that extra piece of pizza. What the fuck do I care? I have a wang!!

Go forth and prosper, and let your new weener lead the way to many more McDonald's.

Sending love from my clogged arteries and cellulite,
Ruby
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Subject:McVomit
Time:07:38 pm
Current Mood:Greasy
Dear Ruby,

I had a weak moment. I just gulped down a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese (that's half a pound of cow, for those without the use of an abacus), and a regular Freedom Fry, and now I'm having eater's remorse. I just found out that's about 1000 calories.

Hurl now or starve for a week? Hurry, I want to know now.
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Subject:In the United States of Bush, it's on Tuesday night at 10:30 on MTV.
Time:10:42 am
Current Mood:chipperchipper
Dear leota,

Laguna Beach is theshow to watch. Especially if you're looking for scripted reality. It's a veritable cavalcade of unfinished sentences followed by blank stares. You get to hear scrawny, underdeveloped boys talk about gnarly waves, while the anorexic spoiled rich girls think of exciting and revolutionary ways to back stab each other!

There's really only one story line, and that revolves around the love triangle featuring Stephen, L.C., and Kristin. It's the same in every episode. Kristin is a slut who pisses off Stephen, so Stephen runs to L.C. who has loved him long time. L.C.'s hopes begin to soar and she has visions of their future spawn, which she will swaddle in only the hautest of couture. But then Kristin bats her $500 fox fur eyelashes at Stephen and he drops L.C. like a hot turd.

Oh, to be in high school again! Well, to be in a high school where all the kids drive BMW's and rent out $700 a night hotel rooms for random parties. And even the token fat girl isn't really fat!

L.C. is my favorite, so she should be your's, too.

Lotsa love from my own imaginary Laguna Beach,
Ruby
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[icon] If you want to know why your cock itches....
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
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You're looking at the latest 10 entries, after skipping 10 newer ones.
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